Mentsch tracht, Gott lacht

41 weeks 3 days, making me officially 10 days overdue.

If the doctors who had been telling me that natural conception would never happen could be so easily proven wrong, then why would I think to put any faith in their calculated due date, even if the math was pretty convincing?  All of the waiting & worrying ultimately didn't matter - the due date came & went without so much as an inkling that Baby would show.  I should have known better.

John Lennon said, "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."  Likewise, Woody Allen suggested that, "If you want to make G-d laugh, tell Him your plans."  Both make for popular yearbook quotes, but there's a deeper wisdom to such pop philosophy.  Psalm 33 teaches us in verse 10: "ה' הפיר עצת גוים, הניא מחשבות עמים" (Hashem hayfir atzat goyim, hayni machshavot amim) G-d annuls the counsels of nations, He thwarts the plans of men.  From this we are reminded that what happens is not up to us - for all that we may design, it's ultimately in the hands of the Divine.

The future rarely plays out as we anticipated or hoped or planned.  Regardless of how much we plot & scheme & calculate, the end result is far less controllable than we'd like to believe.  That isn't to say that we can't behave in a manner which might best influence a situation's eventual outcome; but it's crucial to recognize that more often than not, we simply have to keep calm & carry on.  Trying to manipulate anything beyond our own behavior is like trying to tell the wind which way to blow.

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

My doctor confirmed at my 39 week check-up today that, aside from Peanut being "on the biggish side" (whatever that means!), none of the indicators are indicating he'll be coming out soon.  That's not to say that he won't be on time, just that it's unlikely he'll be early.  Considering he's due next Friday & my mom's coming in next Wednesday, this should be good news.  But the anxious worrier in me fears that if he's too late, Mommy could very well miss the bris & precious days with the baby she's coming all this way to see.

When it came time to schedule our next appointment, my doctor said, "Now, in two weeks," to which I quickly interjected, "I shouldn't be pregnant anymore."  He looked up at me with a heavy smile and responded, "תהיי סבלנית" (t'heyee savlanit) be patient, and continued to explain the past-date plan.  The situation is out of my control - Peanut will come when he's good & ready, not before or after, but בזמנו (bizmano) in his time - all I need to be is patient.

We're taught from a very young age that patience, the act of being tolerant of an unwanted situation, is a virtue.  The Hebrew word סבלנות (savlanut) patience, shares its root letters ס.ב.ל with the verb לסבול (lisbol), which means both to tolerate and to suffer.  This correlation suggests that being patient is in no way expected to be an easy task; in fact, Hebrew recognizes just how insufferable patience can be, especially when the situation is beyond our control.

Say, waiting to go into labour.

Despite their common root, to tolerate & to suffer are opposing concepts - you either suffer through something or soldier through it.  What could be the driving force that connects them?  Patience, the adjective that shares their common base.  Perhaps HaShem, through His holy language Hebrew, is alluding to the relief that patience can bring to circumstances beyond the pale.  When there's nothing more we can do, when we have exhausted every option, when the only thing left is to sit around & wait, doing so with the aforementioned virtuous patience might not make time pass more quickly, but it will certainly make it all the more tolerable.